AnTe bLoGsIdE

Expectations in Relationships (Part 1)

Very often, the expectations we have of others stem from our own
consciousness, our own psyche, and have little or nothing to do
with the other person.

When we take our own ideals, standards, and values and use them as
benchmarks of whether someone is good enough for us or good enough
to us, we're bringing unhealthy expectations into the relationship.
We then demand that the other person behaves in accordance with 
these expectations. So when he or she eventually does something
that appears to be in deep contrast with the standards we've
projected onto them, we often feel hurt, betrayed, angry and
confused.

Have you ever done something nice for someone that you expected
them to like, but they weren't showing the enthusiasm about it that
you thought they might? It was something you would have appreciated
someone doing for you, so why didn't they like it?              

When we base our perception of our partner using our own beliefs,
values and experiences, we're bound to be disappointed. We may then
begin to drive our partner away by becoming cold and aloof,
unappreciative, selfish and suspicious.

The truth is, people show us exactly who they are and how much they
care for us through their everyday behaviors. They wake up early to
prepare breakfast for us. They know exactly how we like our minced
meat noodles. They leave the last fishball for us. They call almost
everyday during lunchtime to see how we are. They sacrifice sleep to
go shopping for the freshest crabs to make chili crab for us. I
realise the high number of food-related examples, buy hey, I'm
Singaporean - eating is our life!

Give it some thought and you'll realise how many different ways
your partner shows you that he or she loves you. We need to stop
fantasising about how a perfect partner should behave. And we need
to stop suspecting that things are not as they are.

Take a moment to think about someone for whom you have developed a
set of expectations for. How accurate are the assumptions you have
made about this person's feelings and behaviors? Can you see that
many of your expectations of them really revolve around you and
your own feelings, beliefs, hopes, needs, and desires related to
the relationship? 

That these things have been projected onto them?

posted by AnTe @ 9/26/2006 11:46:00 PM